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Gift Guide: Valentine’s Ideas for Your Vampire Lover

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Today is February 13th, and we all know what that means! Everyone is scrambling at the last minute to figure out what to give their Valentine tomorrow. While we’ve already assisted those dating zombies and supervillains, we realized that those who date vampires may face even bigger problems. This realization, of course, came hot on the tails of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson winning Virgin Media Awards‘s Hottest Male & Female Movie Actor, respectively. Vampires are all the rage, and chances are, at least one of you is dating a vampire. Thus, here are some last-minute Valentine’s ideas for your Vampire significant other. Our suggestions may be altered to suit humans as well if you’re dating a boring mortal.

1. Bloody Cupcakes

Baking is a great way to show your favorite being that you really care. Everyone loves cupcakes and if you add blood, your vampire date will too. Unless they’re a vegetarian, in which case you can follow the recipe and use cherry pie filling. Recipe found here.

2. A Delicious Dinner

Italian food not recommended (too much garlic). Avoid the inevitable crowds and brightly-lit spaces that may cause your beloved’s true nature to surface. Consider a hipster restaurant – request your steaks bloody and the lighting dark. Better yet, set up your own dinner party for two – here is a good guide on how to pull one together!

Try not to rob a museum, though. (source)

3. A Portrait

Whether of yourself or of your beloved, portraits are a traditional token of one’s adoration. If pressed for time, we recommend taking a pretty frame, spray-painting it black, and adding a printed out photo instead of a painting. You can always cheat a bit and make it look hand painted with Photoshop.

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photo by Freak Geek

4. Cool Shades and a Night Out

Nothing better when you are undead than taking off your head to recite Shakespearean quotations… no wait, that’s not it. Being undead means being able to party all night long – so the best thing to do is grab some cool shades and head out for a night on the town. Be your charming, vampiric selves, and all shall be well.

5. Something to Decorate Their Coffin

Look, sitting in a coffin for all the daylight hours is bloody boring, alright? Your immortal beloved could use a hand with keeping themselves entertained. Our top choice for vampiric dreamboats in need of a little bedtime entertainment? A pack of glow in the dark stars. Order from Amazon, or pick one up at your local variety store.

Most importantly, when dating a vampire, try to avoid puns, like “I’m so hungary” and “Well, doesn’t this just suck”. Vampire puns suck even worse than any Valentine’s Day plans gone awry possibly could.

Author: Critique Geek

Writer and dreamer with a BA in Sarcasm. All-around nerd and lover of geeky things.

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