Shopping for Valentine’s presents can be really tricky. You want a gift that is thoughtful and romantic but not SO thoughtful and romantic that it implies your relationship is in places that it isn’t ready to go. Or if your relationship is in that place you have to make sure the gift lives up to your sig other’s expectations. It’s an exhausting balancing act.
Imagine how much more difficult this is when you’re dating a zombie. I mean, what does one buy the undead that really says “I care about you… also, thank you for not eating my brains.”
Luckily we’ve done the brainstorming for you. Here is a list of appropriate potential gifts for your zombie lover that goes beyond the standard human flesh. Incidentally, these gifts are also appropriate for any special humans in your life who also really love zombies.
1. A Heart-Warming Card
A Valentine’s staple for everyone, living or undead. There are tons of options available online (we like this one and this one and omg these are adorable), or you can make on yourself for that extra-special touch. Here’s an awesome one you can print out yourself.
2. A Pro-Zombie T-Shirt
There are so many shirts out there supporting the massive slaughter of the undead. Show your zombie boy or girl that there are other humans out there that still care. We recommend this shirt by xTRIGx from Redbubble. It’s simple and to the point. This one is another great option to show your zombie some love.
3. Brain Friendship Necklace
An adorable option for relationships both new and centuries old, or even for your zombie bff. This necklace says you’re willing to share your brains. If that’s not love, we don’t know what is. Available on ThinkGeek.
4. Awesome Zombie Art
A particularly apt gift if your undead lover used to be an artist or simply has a particular fondness for aesthetic beauty. Etsy is a great place to start looking for that perfect piece to decorate your zombie-friendly home. We like this one and this one the most.
5. Brain Candy
Make your zombie a special treat with brain candy molds. What says “I love you and accept your status as a reanimated corpse” better than brain shaped chocolates, handmade with love? That’s right, nothing. (If you sneak a bit of flesh in there as a special treat for your decaying lover, we won’t question it. In fact, we’d rather not know.)
Bonus: Guide to Zombie Dating
If the ways of love in the undead world mystify you, and you’ve neither Lydia Deetz nor Bride of Frankenstein on hand to help you navigate the treacherous waters of zombie dating, perhaps you need a guide. No, not a copy of the Handbook for the Recently Deceased (I was about to say we’d like one, but if we get one that means we’re dead, and that would be problematic). I’m talking about the Zombie Dating Guide. Trust us, you’ll want to see this if your loved one is a reanimated corpse.